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Sabishii no Mitsukai (lonely angel)

     

Saturday, February 09, 2002

 
i'm sorry i put up a front with you natey-kin, but... you don't need my crap on top of yours.

jayman9587 (10:20 PM): -feels like a big brother-
OmgAFoxyGeek (10:20 PM): silly...
OmgAFoxyGeek (10:20 PM): ya know what?
jayman9587 (10:20 PM): what?
OmgAFoxyGeek (10:20 PM): you're my honorary big brother
OmgAFoxyGeek (10:21 PM): feel special
jayman9587 (10:21 PM): yay
jayman9587 (10:21 PM): its such an honor

jason g might come over tomarrow to watcha movie.. it'll be nice to have a friend to hold me up a little cus i'm falling down..



..and falling apart.
 
i went and saw dad. he was happy to know that at least 10 of my friends are behind him :D rob, the CNA, is really spiffy, and mom already knew his RN, Bev, from when she worked there. gahh.. i smell like the hospital. x.x feels so odd to be there wit dad as a patient (mom used to take me when she had to do timestamps and as a reward, she took me to the gift shop). oy vey... rob had to help mom with the IV because "mom is IV challenged" bev and rob thought that was hillarious. and, consequently, i'm hospital corner challenged x.x oh well.

while i was waiting outside for mom to finish cleaning dad, i though about how it would be really weird to have me in there... jase actually geting to visit me whenever he wanted between noon and 8 pm, and everyone else.. i just can't believe my mind wandered like that!

and yeas, i thought of jason.
 
jason called ^-^

that boy always takes the words right out of my mouth... so hon, if you wonder why i don't say anything, it's cus you said it for me.
 
"bliss, so comforting, but yet so fleeting"

the youth service rehersal went well. i was with jase nearly the whole time. but for about an hour, i sat in the pew behid his, leaning over the back. we talked, and stared into eachother's eyes. "it's hard, sitting so close to you and not beig able to kiss you."- Jason. i showed him the starburst thing rob found and he laughed.

we kissed in kristen's office again...

Friday, February 08, 2002

 
god.. dad had his MRI about 3 hours ago. i went to frank and sandy's for dinner.. she made good comfort food and we got a doggie bag. she also made us chicken soup for tomarrow. they said they'd take me to youth service rehersal if nessicary. i might have to sleep over there tonight cus dad is being admitted to MMH.

i'm so scared again... i really need jase to hold me.. he sais he'll give me a hug tomarrow b/c of dad.. and i get one anyway. i'll tell kristen what's going on.. i think she'll allow a hug, and everyone will be suportive... this is why i love my youth group and church..
 
i just talked to dad. he sounds so out of it and high... poor guy... that song by Shonen Knife - I Wanna Be Sedated (sederted)probably would make a few ppl laugh.. but right now, i wouldn't.
 



Take the What Color Dragon Should You Ride? Quiz

Made By: myway and teza


 
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:01 PM): hi...
ChibiCateKin (3:01 PM): wha's wrong?
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:01 PM): daddy's in the hospital
ChibiCateKin (3:02 PM): WHAT HAPPENED?
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:02 PM): he was sick when i left, and i come home to hear he got taken by ambulance to MMH
ChibiCateKin (3:02 PM): HIJSKH!H!!!!!!
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:02 PM): he had passed out and is bowels are obstucted
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:02 PM): YES HOLY SHIT
ChibiCateKin (3:02 PM): ieeeeeeee.
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:03 PM): what fun it is to ride the one horse WORRY sleigh
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:03 PM): tell george when he gets home, k?
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:03 PM): dad actually has an exuse for not coming
ChibiCateKin (3:03 PM): i'll be leaving shortly for GS
ChibiCateKin (3:03 PM): o_o;;;
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:03 PM): leave a note and tell them to call me with questions then
ChibiCateKin (3:04 PM): where's mariam?
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:05 PM): marian
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:05 PM): she's on her way to MMH
ChibiCateKin (3:05 PM): wheee, ifudged yo mommas name.,
ChibiCateKin (3:05 PM): x.x
ChibiCateKin (3:05 PM): wait,
ChibiCateKin (3:05 PM): she's works at HH?
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:05 PM): and dr.bllom just called @_@
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:05 PM): MHH
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:05 PM): yes
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:06 PM): perdeim
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:06 PM): but in the mental health unit...
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:06 PM): -nearly in tears-
ChibiCateKin (3:06 PM): .. how can she drive oiver.. she's walking o_O;
ChibiCateKin (3:06 PM): nevermind, i'm feeling like a vulcan.,
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:07 PM): she took her car
ChibiCateKin (3:07 PM): o-O;;;
OmgAFoxyGeek (3:07 PM): -fucked over-

Thursday, February 07, 2002

 
"...If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares


I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone
..."

[{Current Music} Michelle Branch - All You Wanted]
 
jayman9587 (9:29 PM): sleep sweet, emme-chan

::cries:: he logged of before i could say bye.. damnit. we had a mini heart-to-heart.. we'll have a real one over vaca.

he opened up to me a lot more tonight..

i can't wait for vaca!!!!!!!!!! ^_^
 
i was high on life and on jase, but that changed the instant 5:00 rolled around. i hate TKD now. i want to quit.

i let the word shit slip out when my knee, ankles, and back felt like they were gonna break. serves SungSaNim right too.. he thinks he's gentle, but he's not. he needs to know that I'M NOT A FUCKING GUY!
 
whee.. excuse the last post.. "to err is human, but to really screw things up you need a computer." so true, so true. so, with that in mind, this is what it should have said:

With cait and ree, i'll probably have new, sessy layout soon ^_^

if it's screwed up again, tell cait to fix it.

ANYWAY! jase called ^-^ -happy bunny- i can't wait to show him the ad that rob found in Sports Illistrated.. whee..

Wednesday, February 06, 2002

 
oh yeh.. and with emily 11:20 PM
 






Take the "Which
Nationality Are You?" test
at OuchCryManson


Made by: and User=ecology>


 



holy shit. i really am jap and american.. though i luff america to death... it’s my sweetie’s country and mine too ^-^

that brings up another point... he doesn’t call me by a lot of pet names.. it’s always “em”, “emily”, “baby” or says “hey you” lovingly. that makes a person think at 11 at night. being called sweetie once in a while would probably kill my “o to bitch” complex...

god.. i feel like i’m on something tonight.. i SWEAR i don’t do drugs... maybe it’s a sugar hangover o_o
 
OmgAFoxyGeek (8:47 PM): did he come on yet?
jayman9587 (8:48 PM): see for yourself
OmgAFoxyGeek (8:48 PM): -.-
OmgAFoxyGeek (8:48 PM): i ment "did he come on then leave while i was gone?"
jayman9587 (8:48 PM): oh
jayman9587 (8:48 PM): no
jayman9587 (8:48 PM): i would've called you ifhe did
OmgAFoxyGeek (8:48 PM): aww
OmgAFoxyGeek (8:48 PM): -kisses your cheek- you can be sweet
jayman9587 (8:49 PM): thank you
OmgAFoxyGeek (8:50 PM): yw. i may do it irl sometime
jayman9587 (8:52 PM): -doesn't know how to respond-
OmgAFoxyGeek (8:54 PM): i rendered you speechless for once, ne?
jayman9587 (8:54 PM): yes
OmgAFoxyGeek (8:55 PM): did you do the thing where you started to speak but stopped and kinda left your mouth hanging open?
jayman9587 (8:56 PM): you know me that well?
OmgAFoxyGeek (8:57 PM): guess so
jayman9587 (8:57 PM): lol
OmgAFoxyGeek (8:57 PM): -shrugs-
 
Love Survey:

Section 1 - Crush Info

1.) What is your name?: Emily
2.) Who was your first crush?: Matt Logan (i think)
3.) What made you like them?: He was nice... good looking... i was in the fifth grade... :P before then i was a boysfriend... never crossed my mind to like them lol
4.) Did you ever ask them out?: yes
5.) Did you tell them that you liked them? Did you have one of your friends?: yes..; no
6.) Did they like you back?: as a friend. that hurt
7.) What was their name?: i said that already damnit!
8.) Was it a male or a female?: male... durrrrrr
9.) Did you ever go out of your way to try to impress them? What did you do?: no... cause i was kinda unpopular in 5th grade. (when i didn't go to the reg MS, everyone missed me :D )
10.) How did they react?: urk
11.) Did you ever write them a love letter?: hell no. this is 5th grade!
12.) Do you still have contact with that person today?: No, he moved to god knows where (i heard about it second hand) ... would be nice to see him again... haven't seen him since 5th grade...
13.) If they didn't know you had a crush on them back then, would you tell them now?: no... don't need to -agrees with kT-
14.) Do you still have a crush on that person?: no...

Section 2 - Bad Love Relationships

15.) Who is your worst ex?: Dan Walz
16.) What went wrong in your relationship?: he forced me to do things then said "sorry". basically, he was abusive. this is why i know jase isn't abusive
17.) Would you consider going back to the relationship?: Fuck no...
18.) Why or why not?: because i have a man that loves me... and doesn't treat me like shit, as they did... and besides, dan's a prick
19.) Were you in love with them?: i thought i was... but that's not love... that's fear...
20.) If you were, was the love one sided or did they love you back?: Look above.
21.) Describe your relationship in 1 sentence: he forced me to do stuff, and i had to do it... or else.
22.) Do you miss that person?: FUCK NO
23.) Do you still think about them?: only when surveys bring him up -glares at survey guy-
24.) Dream about them?: no
25.) Long for them?: not in the slightest
26.) Are you two still friends?: nope... i hate the bastard...
27.) Do you ever see yourself getting back together with that person?: No.
28.) Name one thing about that person that absolutely disgusted you: we're not going there. got it?
29.) If you could go back and change one thing about your relationship with that person, what would it be?: I would have never dated them...
30.) Would you like to try again?: No
31.) Why or why not?: Because he scares me
32.) Do you forgive this person? And if the problems in your relationship were your own fault, do you forgive yourself?: fuck no... and no they were not my fault...

Section 3 - Love Life (if you are not in a relationship, you can either use one of your most memorable relationships to answer the questions, or disregard this section entirely)

33.) Do you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend or both?: or BOTH???? lmao i have a boyfriend...
33.) Where did you guys meet?: at SPF on the hayride/bonfire trip
34.) How long have you been together?: on Febuary 11th it will be 4 months ^-^
35.) Who asked who out? Did you ask them? Vice versa?: i asked if we were actually a "..couple or not because i want to know what to tell people.. and i'm not sure about your feelings for me", and he said "wow.. no one's asked me for my input before.. this is cool.. yes, we're a couple ^_~"
36.) What is their name?: Jason
37.) What is their age?: 17
38.) What is your age?: 14
39.) Who fell for who first?: i couldn't tell you that because i never asked him.. good topic of conversation though.
40.) How did you find out that this person liked you, or how did they find out that you liked them?: he talked with me the whole 2 hours.. and cuddled with me the whole time too.. ^-^ -re-lives the moments-
41.) Did you two date before you became a couple?: i don't know if SPF counts as a date...
42.) Describe your first date with this person: i'm going with the movies.. seeing LOTR.. it involved a lot of "action" sequences and rob turning around, and nearly saying to us (while jase and i were kissing) "want some popcorn?"
43.) Was the date fun? What did you guys do?: yes.. it was fun ^_~ the movies.. seeing LOTR.. it involved a lot of "action" sequences and rob turning around, and nearly saying to us (while jase and i were kissing) "want some popcorn?"
44.) What attracted you to this person?: his personality first off... we are so much alike... i can't believe how much we are alike... then i got a hug, and i was like "he's so warm.. we fit together perfectly.."
45.) What is their best quality?: The way he can put up with my venting, rambling and sometimes sucky emotions... it's hard for my guy friends to do that.
46.) Worst quality?: The fact that he lives 40-ish miles away
47.) How do you feel about your relationship? Is is good? Bad? Okay?: GOOD?? WTF? IT'S AWESOME!!
49.) How was it?: "it"? sorry, not yet.
50.) Were you still fantasizing about your first kiss a week after it happened?: of course.. and every kiss after that. i revisit specific kisses to keep me happy
51.) Name something that makes this person awesome: one thing? aww... his ability to know what to say and when to say it.
52.) What do you believe is the strongest part of your relationship?: the bond between us... the unnameable thing that is tying us together...
53.) Weakest?: our parents
54.) Can you relate to this person on an emotional level?: yes
55.) Were you sexually attracted to this person the first time you laid eyes on each other?: mmmmm... yeah... i said to myself (and i quote), "damn i wish i knew him." in august
56.) How many hours a week do you spend talking to your mate?: who the hell knows... a lot... usually if i'm lucky...
57.) Spending time with your mate?: at least 1 a week in person, most likely 3 though
58.) Name something that you love about this person: I can talk to him... he cares... he listens...
59.) How long have you two been together?: Didn't you ask this already?
60.) Do you remember the exact date on which you two became official?: November 11, 2001
61.) Do you remember the exact date of your first kiss?: ummm... we *kissed* on December 2, 2001
62.) Your first date?: 12/28/01 at 10:30 am ^-^
63.) When was the last time you saw them?: in person: sunday. in my dreams.. today. (i napped)
 
hey.. i just talked to platt again ^-^ he has to help brian with his photography class by posing for him in shorts! -squeel- I WANT COPIES!! he also has to find a suit (his is too small) for the THS induction thing tomarrow.. sessy jase! hehe..

remember... purple flying monkeys.

i love you..
 


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Tuesday, February 05, 2002

 
"Love is so transparent that if you are unprepared for it you will see right through it and not notice it" - jane mendolshon
 
OmgAFoxyGeek (9:18 PM): -cry-
OmgAFoxyGeek (9:18 PM): catey
OmgAFoxyGeek (9:19 PM): i want some catey bunny fuckin!

yes.. another thing that goes back.. waaayy back.. like the start of the new year XD
 
okay.. 2 problems:

1) i want a blog like cait's old Slayers layout
2) i wanna add muh friends

yes yes... i'm whining again.
 
Caitlin, you give up, i give up. both of us are fighting for happiness, love, respect and a few other things. i don't have complete happiness (we all know he goes to a different school and we can't be reconized as a couple by our parents..-everyone rolls their eyes-), yes, i have love, but it is faught for in a long bloody battle. my respect for myself is waining.. i'm not tall, i'm not proportioned exactly right.. and i get put down every fuckin day. but i press on because there is a reward at the end.. freedom from HS, being "of legal age", and being able to do what you damn well please. yes, i have a few goals in my life that are kinda corny, but who cares? we all have those goals.

What about your dream job as a journalist? if you get something published.. EVER... i'm cutting it out and saving it! you are a better writer than i am (i confuse ppl with my messed train of thought), and i think it's cool that we both excel in the Arts, though in different feilds.

Don't cut, don't go suicidal. i'll let you have your depressing days, sure, but i'm gonna make sure you get your dream job if it's the last thing i do!
 
Test test, 3 2 1 , mad skillz from Cate ^.-

Now that we know that Cate's got mad skillz, Life is good once more for The Day's of Our Emily.


Monday, February 04, 2002

 
"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine."

Song of Solomon 1:2



"His kiss, his touch, so gentle, yet so poisonous to my heart."



"Ancient lovers believed a kiss would literally unite their souls, because the spirit was said to be carried in one's breath."

Eve Glicksman

~~~ Kate M.'s away message


"The sound of a kiss is not so loud as a cannon, but it's echo lasts a great deal longer."



"If kisses were water and if hugs were leaves, could you give me an ocean filled with trees?"

Sunday, February 03, 2002

 
THE LIST (Revised Edition)

Places:

Balcony
Hallway (in church)
Movie Theater <--- twice!
Minister’s Office <-----most dangerous
Elevator <---- slightly less dangerous
Church Kitchen

starburst hard candies were used at the movies >:D hehe... all involve action sequences!! lmao.. “want popcorn?”.
 
i can still feel his lips on mine..

A foxy geek (^_~) and her life.. "...It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride. Everything will be just fine, everything will be allright..." [Jimmy Eat World - The Middle]

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